RS today at church was emotional for me. Anyone who knows me knows how shy I am at first, especially in big groups and how I always always keep my emotions shoved way down in there. Well the tears were flowing today and it was even more uncomfortable for me crying openly since I was in a room full of people who don't really know me.
The lesson was about trials and that is a sore subject I guess since I have had a lot of experience on the subject especially since it seem my trials are continuous. Everything seems to be such a struggle for us, Nothing comes easy for us, EVER! In moments of weakness, I think haven't I gone through enough in my short 25 years to fill at least 3 people's lifetime?! Wasn't my childhood enough to endure? But then I think of my poor sweet always happy mother who lost her house in Hurricane Ike and everything she owned and she had a childhood so horrible that there are no words to describe. How can I complain when she never does?
I don't let the bad things that happened to me in my past get me down much, but sometimes, like today, they come bubbling up. Even though it takes me a while to be comfortable enough to share the specifics, I'm trying to learn from my wise friend Cassey, that it helps others to share your tragedies & trials. But I really hate to cry in front of people...I do the ugly cry...I wish I could cry pretty like my friend Brianne, she cries like Demi Moore in "Ghost".
Someone posted this on Facebook recently and I really liked it. I saved it in my nerdy "Quotes File" where I keep a record of all my favorite quotes. That's pretty nerdy huh?--
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit."
